LORD, I NEED YOU

Sanctification? Check!

Lately I've been struck with the reality that all of life really is about our sanctification. And that's not a bad thing. Just reality. And it's ultimately for our good. Because it lands us at Jesus' feet. This question from Gary Thomas' book "Sacred Marriage" keeps popping into my head:

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" (p13)

Marriage has certainly been a constant source of sanctifying moments but lately it's been other things. One thing in particular. Friend's of mine announcing they are pregnant. I rejoice with them but then I immediately begin to think:

"What if God designed timing of pregnancies to make us holy more than to make us happy."

I hesitate to write on this again as I feel I'm beating a dead horse since I wrote something similar to this in my post about desires. But God seems to be beating this dead horse in me, maybe because the horse is still not dead...sorry...horrific analogy. 

To let you in on a little secret, Jason and I want lots of kids. We usually say, "We want as many as the Lord will give us." But maybe what we (read: I) really mean is we want lots of kids really close together! Clearly, it's for my sanctification to not have that desire fulfilled. Which is good. Why? Because then I run to Jesus, and I find satisfaction there in His presence. Not in a positive pregnancy test. 

But what strikes me is this. In December, while my family was in Lubbock for Christmas, my sister-in-law found out she was pregnant. With their fifth. They had twins a little over a year ago. They weren't necessarily trying to get pregnant except for the occasional, "Yeah, let's go for it." Welp, they went for it and so did God. Boom. Baby number five on the way. Excuse me, baby GIRL number five on the way. Yep, five girls. Some lucky husbands in the future. They're precious girls. Anywho, I remember Ryan praying before they headed out and he prayed a verse from Psalms (or maybe Proverbs) about how children are a blessing from the Lord, even when we may not "want" another (read that carefully, more of a timing thing...they clearly love children!). I held back tears because I LONGED to be in Sarah's shoes. Pregnant with her fifth. Post twins. My dream. God knows that. But what is sanctifying for me is NOT getting that. What's sanctifying for Ryan and Sarah, is having baby girl number five on the way!

A few weeks later Matt and Whitney Hampton are at our dinner table and announce they are pregnant! I had absolutely NO trouble rejoicing with them as we have prayed for them for a year to get pregnant and been with them through life's ups and downs and I could not be more happy for them. But again. A friend of mine was pregnant and I was not. That was around the time when God began to show me my little idol of 'desiring children' (explained in my post titled "Desires...they're tricky.). Sanctification at it's finest. 

Then. Yesterday. A friend who I will not name (as it's not public knowledge yet) sent me a text of a positive pregnancy test. Followed by a text saying she was devastated (again, read carefully, they love children but...). Why was she devastated? She didn't want to have another until her second (they have three) were in school. She has health issues and wanted to lose weight. They have financial concerns. She wanted more kids but the timing of this couldn't be more wrong. Or could it?

"What if God designed the timing of pregnancies to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

I would be so happy to be pregnant right now but would it be the most sanctifying? Probably not. My friend would be so happy to not be pregnant right now but would it be the most sanctifying? Probably not. 

When I desire God above all else, I essentially desire my sanctification more than my happiness because I know to be like Jesus, to be in his presence, brings ultimate happiness. Everlasting happiness. Joy. Pleasures forevermore.

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of JOY; at your right hand are PLEASURES forevermore!"

Psalm 16:11

My readings in Luke spurred on this blog post and I haven't even got to what I read in Luke and this blog post is long already so...maybe another day I will share my insights from Luke. Or maybe now...

"But they had no child, because Elizabeth was BARREN and both were advanced in years."

Luke 1:7

"And the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus...And Mary said to the angel, 'How will this be, since I am a virgin?'

Luke 1:30-31, 34

"And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her WHO WAS CALLED BARREN.

FOR NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD."

Luke 1:36-37

Elizabeth was called barren. Like a nickname. Or more of an insult. People made that her identity, "Elizabeth? Oh yeah. That barren woman, right?" Mary was a virgin. And pregnant. Joseph was going to divorce her quietly to avoid shame (Matthew 1:19). Sanctifying a little bit, you think? 

God does all things for His glory and our good. They go hand in hand. And He cares. Oh He cares so deeply. Keller puts it like this:

"It (the gospel) is that you are so lost and flawed, so sinful, that Jesus had to die for you, but you are also so LOVED that Jesus was GLAD to die for you." (The Meaning of Marriage, p 55)

I can't pretend to know how God will use baby number five to sanctify Ryan and Sarah. I know quite a bit of sanctification is around the corner for the Hamptons as they welcome their first. And the next nine months and beyond for my friend will be oh so sanctifying as she must daily run to Jesus with fears of health problems and how she will have to take her eyes off of the budget that screams "you need more money" and trust in a God who will provide. And He will provide. (After all, nothing will be impossible with God!). Sanctifying a little bit? My sanctification? Running to Jesus to satisfy me. Meditating on His greatness and not my plans to make me great. 

Amen. Come Lord Jesus.

Me and Sarah Edwards

As a fairly new (assistant) pastor's wife, I'm beginning to see all the opportunities to apply lessons learned prior to this season in life. Mary, the mother of Jesus, often treasured up things in her heart and pondered them. I've been pondering too lately. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, Jason was given the opportunity to preach this weekend on short notice. This means, in a sense, he works overtime this week. Expectations of how we were going to spend our Saturday as a family changed. I have two options. I can be bitter. Or I can rejoice.

God prepared me for moments like these by someone named Sarah Edwards. Wife of Jonathan Edwards. One of America's greatest theologians. Noel Piper in her book "Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God" says this, "How could she have known the gift she was giving us as she freed Jonathan to fulfill his calling?" (p 36) Sarah took on mass amounts of household duties, caring for their property, and raising 11 children. Noel says, "...as Sarah stepped into this role of wife, she freed him to pursue the philosophical, scientific, and theological wrestlings that made him the man we honor." (p20) Caveat: clearly a pastor is not to neglect his family for the sake of ministry but thats a whole other blog post in itself...and not something I think Jonathan Edwards was guilty of.

Now, I'm not married to a Jonathan Edwards, regarding his intensity, as he spent 13 hours or so a day in his office. This did include the times Sarah would go in for a chat or when others would visit for counsel or prayer. But still. Thirteen hours a day. That is a lot of time given to bible study and sermon prep! It makes a Saturday seem pretty measly. But it is in the act of joyfully letting my husband go and tending to my family alone that we grow and mature as believers and that others are edified and spurred on in their walks with Jesus (Lord willing) as Jason (or any pastor) preaches the sermon he's able to put together by spending hours in God's word and other resources.

I'm sure, and I'm pretty new at this so I could be wrong, that any wife of someone in ministry, whether full time or part time, has this same opportunity to be bitter or rejoice as their husbands walk out the door each time. Whether expected or unexpected. And I'm sure Sarah wasn't always rejoicing and praising God for her circumstances but bitterness was not her norm. She embraced what God had given her to do and she did it well. I hope I do the same. I hope I can see that God is, and will continue, to use my husband for the furthering of His kingdom and for building up the church and that I can humbly submit to my part which is joyfully allowing him to go and be used for God's glory by preparing sermons or Sunday school lessons. To not be a burden to my husband, making him feel as if I want him home all the time, but to give him the freedom to go and study and serve God's people by preparing well to rightly divide God's word. I pray I do that joyfully and willingly. Who knows the legacy your husband will leave (no pressure to be like Edwards, here, honey!) but you and I, wives, can leave one of joy, not bitterness. Thankfulness, not grumbling. Sacrifice, not selfishness. Service, not self-seeking. Hard work, not laziness.

So, off to the kitchen I go to prepare a little dinner...

Sunrise

Have you ever peeled yourself out of bed (or maybe a tent) early enough to watch the sun rise? I have. I can think of no prettier a place to watch the sun rise than on the beach in La Barra de la Cruz in Oaxaca, Mexico. Giant boulders line the beach with mountains as their backdrop while the waves of the Pacific Ocean crash into them. Before the sun even peaks over the ocean's horizon, the dark night begins to soften. The sun rises slowly, but ever so surely, over the ocean's lining, bringing light where there was once darkness. The path to the boulder you just traversed isn't quite as treacherous as the light reveals every nook and cranny.

What if the sun didn't rise? What if it was darkness all the time? We would go mad. Depression would take up residence in our lives, I'm sure. The sun rising each morning is evidence of our God's tender mercy. But an even greater evidence of God's tender mercy is this:

"And you, child (John the Baptist), will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before the Lord to prepare His ways, to give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins, BECAUSE OF THE TENDER MERCY OF OUR GOD, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."

Luke 1:76-79

By God's tender mercy He sent Jesus, the sunrise, to give light to those who sit in darkness! And if we are His children then we are children of light!

"...for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light..."

Ephesians 5:8

When I first read this passage in Luke I thought of missionaries and how they are like a sunrise bringing the gospel to the most darkest places on earth in terms of people not knowing Jesus, rather, those who have never even heard His name. And while that is true, it is also true that as any christian shares the gospel, they are like a sunrise, shedding the light of the gospel in people's dark and hopeless lives. Two images come to mind. That of a dugout canoe filled with missionaries approaching a small island dotted with tribes men and women who know nothing of Jesus but everything of animism and spirits and ancestors and death. They are sitting in darkness and those approaching the island in the canoe are like a sun rising, about to shed light over the darkness, as they share the good news of Jesus. 

The other image is one of me and my own children. As I sit my children down and read them stories from Jesus Story Book Bible or briskly walk them to the bathroom to discipline them in love or sing hymns at the tops of our lungs, I see a sun rising, shining the light of Jesus into their lives. What a blessing to receive a sunrise. What a blessing to receive the Son!

"...the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings."

Malachi 4:2

The Son brings light where there was once darkness (2 Corinthians 4:6). Life where there was once death (Ephesians 2:4-5). The Son calls His children out of darkness and into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9)! And we get to herald that news! We get to be like a sunrise, bringing light to darkness, by declaring what Jesus has done for those who sit in darkness! Praise God for what He has done for us in His Son!

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved-"

Ephesians 2:4-5

Desires....they're tricky.

Desires are tricky, you know? Especially those that are good. Like a desire to do missions. Or a desire to be a wife and mom. Or a desire to be a mom 20 times over (I know, I'm crazy). So, what's so tricky about those good desires? They can become idols. Our little hearts can be idol making factories if we're not careful. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life!" (Proverbs 4:23) If we're not careful it can be the wellspring of idols! But here's the wonderful thing. God is good. So good. And He doesn't give His glory to another. So he helps us destroy our idols. How? By NOT giving us the desires of our hearts, no matter how 'good' they seem to be! You may think that makes God NOT good but you would be wrong. And so would I. Last week I wrestled with why God had not granted my desires. They were good and godly desires so why hasn't he delivered?? Oh...because I was delighting in my desires and NOT HIM!

Delight yourself IN THE LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart! Psalm 37:4

I turned my desire for children into an idol meaning I wanted that more than I wanted God. And God is good. He knows idols don't deliver on their promises (Thanks for that reminder in your sermon yesterday C.W. It's a good listen. Here's the link:http://fbcwolfforth.org/index.php?page=sermons). He knows that true satisfaction can only be found in Him. So, He denies me what I want most (my idol) to give me what I need most and what will ultimately satisfy the most in the end. What would that be? Rather, who would that be? HIM!

God loves me, His daughter, enough to say no to something seemingly good to me in order to sanctify me. He cares more about my holiness and sanctification than He does pleasing me and making me "happy" because He knows that I won't truly be happy without Him. See how good He is? It seems unfair and He seems unloving to deny us the desires of our hearts (for a season anyway...things change) but its really for our ultimate good! He denies us those things that we may look to HIM for satisfaction!  Oh that that truth would become my reality! So, don't forget the first part of Psalm 37:4. Delight yourself in HIM and HIM alone. And He will give you the desires of your heart because He will ALWAYS give you Himself! And because He satisfies, we are satisfied.

Ahhh...I love our good and gracious and loving Father!!

The Puritans said it well in The Valley of Vision (Confession and Petition, p138):

"I thank Thee that many of my prayers have been refused-
I have asked amiss and do not have,
I have prayed from lusts and been rejected,
I have longed for Egypt and been given a wilderness.

Go on with Thy patient work,
answering 'no' to my wrongful prayers,
and fitting me to accept it.
Purge me from every false desire,
every base aspiration,
everything contrary to thy rule.
I thank Thee for thy wisdom and thy love,
for all the acts of discipline to which I am subject,
for sometimes putting me into the furnace
to refine my gold and remove my dross.

No trial is so hard to bear as a sense of sin.
If thou shouldst give me choice to live in pleasure and keep my sins,
or to have them burnt away with trial,
GIVE ME SANCTIFIED AFFLICTION.
Deliver me from every evil habit,
every accretion of former sins,
everything that dims the brightness of thy grace in me,
EVERYTHING THAT PREVENTS ME TAKING DELIGHT IN THEE.
Then I shall bless thee, God of Jeshurun, for helping me to be upright."